Little tidbit about me: I don’t see so well. Thanks to years of painting fantasy miniatures and thousands and thousands of hours in front of a computer, I’m nearsighted. Basically, I can’t read signs at night or see people very clearly from more than twenty feet away. No, I don’t wear contacts, since I hate having something touching my eyes all day long. I wear prescription sunglasses when I drive, but that’s about it. What’s this mean? Usually I’m walking around and can’t see much. I rely mostly on shape recognition.
So, I was walking out the front door the other day, not paying much attention really, and walked right passed a giant freakin’ snake. No rattle on the tail, but he jumped almost as much as I did. Apparently I scared the crap out of him. Did I mention I live in a desert? Yeah… we have coyotes and havalena walking through our streets. Which woulnd’t be so bad I suppose if we had, say, street lights. Those would detract from the scenery, according to the city council, and cause light pollution. Always makes it fun to back out of my 45 degree angle driveway into absolute blackness at 4am in the morning to go to work. Some morning jogger is gonna get the shock of his life at some point.
Back to the snake… So this giant snake decided to take up residence under the stone walk in our front doorway. Brilliant! I mean, it’s such a quiet area. No one walks through there all damn day long or anything. Nah, perfectly fine to just wait for the vibrations of enormous people to go by so you have the chance of poking your head out once in a while.
This turned into a rant here somewhere, whether against snakes or the desert or my poor eyesight, I can’t tell. I plan to take advantage of it, however. While sitting on the bowl last night, as I’m inclined to do from time to time, I looked down and noticed the bathroom floor is infested with ants. Maybe now you’re getting a clearer picture of what I mean when I say I’m nearsighted.
We spent the next hour vacuuming them up and found that they’re coming in from behind the new tub we just had installed during our home renovation. They were back again this morning, with a vengeance. It seems when a few ants go out and don’t come back, the colony sends out search parties. Well, I ran to the store and bought a can of ant killer. Have you seen the shelf for Raid products lately? Not only are there 20 different kinds of ant killer, coming in various scents for those who wish to kill sweetly but also for different areas (indoor, outdoor, bathroom, patio, dark space under your bed). Not only are there ant killer cans, but there’s also and AND ROACH cans, with the same variety of sexy poison and area specification.
I picked up a can of Ant Killer - Behind the Tub in Your Bathroom - Unscented, With a Hint of Maple Flavor. I’m sure the ants will appreciate it. So here I sit — at my computer, which is now in the dining room because we’re renovating the computer room — enjoying the oh so pleasant scent of ant killer and thinking we need more fans in the house. No, not people who enjoy my writing but something to blow the poison around. If it bothers me this much, I can only imagine how much it pisses off the ants. Although I guess they have the consolation of dying after a while.
